It is amazing how many forks in the road the last two years have arrived at my feet.
There was for a long time, a wanting to just give up and throw in the towel. I am very happy to say that I never did. The road to a renewed self has been a difficult one. The tines have poked and prodded me to places I never thought I would go. I have suffered heartbreak and loss of family, yet I have a better sense of who I am and for the first time in many years....clarity. From a professional standpoint I am satisfied where I have landed. Yet emotionally my life has been a rollercoaster littered with ups and downs that have unleashed many nights of tears but more importantly words. Blogging has saved me from looking at the bottom of a bottle for answers. I do not yet have all of my questions answered, however I am sober due to a choice long ago where the fork of temptation could have led me astray. Many nights I wanted to just give in to these evil temptations yet the love of my sons and the wanting of a better, clearer and more defined sense of self have driven me to be something better. I know now that I am a better Daddy than before the major fork of divorce was glaring in my sight. My boys have been my rocks and continue daily to teach me the value of self-respect and worth. I have struggled with much over the last two years since the blogs inception. One thing that has brought me clarity though is the adult friendships I have forged during the most difficult period of my life. These forks of friendship have been life changing, heartbreaking and rewarding. It has seemed that when one door closes, another opens to a destiny that may or may not be life altering. Just the same it could be exactly what was needed at that moment in time. At my age I still do not feel close to having the answers to which I seek. What is worth noting though is that I feel as young and spry in my mind as I did when I was half my current age...Its just a number and with it comes the experiences of life and the lessons learned or ignored. The insanity for myself is being able to fight through the tines, not being afraid of the pain a road may lead me down. I have suffered enough to know that I can, will and shall survive to live another day, to love again and to smile at my reflection knowing I have done all that I can do. I am proud that two years have passed and I survived. I never thought for a moment back then that I was capable of surviving my situation, let alone have the courage to help many others at the same insane fork of life. I am grateful to the many whom have helped along this journey and thankful for the new people in my life. Without all of you I may not have made it to write this blog today.
The insanity of it all is that the tines of life can poke and prod all they want. I am prepared for anything. I will fight through it all. I have been broken, crushed and alone yet I am still here to see what the forks of life have in store for me... And on the hopes and dreams that I hold close to my heart...I will never give up, give in nor throw the switch...
Buffalosjoeyi
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