She comes in many forms: mental, physical but most painfully emotional. The emotional pain felt when a loved one is hurting, straining and struggling to make it through any obstacle can be draining. I have felt this pain for weeks and months on end. It would be nice to see light at the end of the tunnel, yet the darkness intensifies. It becomes the cloud you learn to live with, the weight that your back and neck carry as if it is another extremity. The wanting for it to pass, to leave and never return never ceases. It is as if there will never be a tomorrow with the happiness you once held dear. You do what you can but to turn your back would be worse. I live with this and try to put up the front of a smiling, happy and interested soul. This is not the case. This intense pain it seems will hang around for as long as it will. It has become the struggle that makes all of life less interesting.
The ability to stay positive is trying at best. This is a must though as those that are close need to feel secure, loved and nurtured. I continue to do what I must, yet the pain inside with not subside. I sometimes feel like a part of me has died. The part of me that loved, laughed and made the time of day fly by. It is the feeling of loving and wanting that I miss most. Having someone that is in tune with what you want from life by your side making every moment all the more real. There are many forms of the internal pain we all live with. I guess it’s how you handle the pain that makes you who you are. We all have it and if not kept in check it really can become insane…
Buffalosjoeyi…
Today you have spoken my life these days. At least now I sometimes get relief from the sadness. Laughter and happiness find a way to sneak back in when I'm not looking. I only notice when I hear myself laugh. It is such a foreign sound that my ears get confused. Then the pain returns like a hurricane burying the light in it's wrath. But I don't fear it like u used to because for a time there was nothing. Now the light makes its way and sticks around a little longer each time. Sorry to leave such a long comment but it's nice to know I'm not alone. And neither are you.
ReplyDeletethank you +ljhgeist
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