As the key slides into the front door and as I open it up, I sigh. This has been my reality of many days past and I far as I see my future. The sigh is inevitable, it is a signal that once again I am all alone. I have found no solace in this deafening silence lately. It is fall and the season of gray but yet I see no change in sight. The loneliness seems to be getting to me more and more. I am allowed a brief reprieve only every other weekend when my world lights up like a christmas tree and my boys infiltrate the silence. As slow as that time comes it goes by in a flash and the cycle of silence begins again.
When I was younger I was always the life of the party. I was the smiling bartender that kept the peace, The good friend that always lent an ear. I never was alone and never needed to worry about the quiet. Now as I grow older I wonder what the next half of my life has in store for me. I realize that the boys will grow up faster than I want, so I try to have the most memorable fun I can while they are here. This will be short-lived soon it seems. I am faced with the reality that their Mom wants to move away. This will only intensify the quiet that is my life now. What then? The thing is I miss the companionship of a woman. One whom I can make laugh and enjoy the adult times that so many of you take for granted. I do not mean this in a bad way. I just hear people complain about the menial things in life that someone like me actually misses. I know in my heart that the decisions of my past were the right ones. My relationship with my boys Mom was ruining everyone. We at least can talk civilly now which is a step in the right direction. The reality is though that Delaware County is quiet. I like the quiet at times but It sure would be nice to have the silence broken by someone I could call "babe" , make her laugh and share a meal with.
Many will read this and think..." boy would I kill for some quiet time" . Be careful of what you wish for my friends because sometimes the insanity is that the quietness is blaring, loud and unwanted. It would just be nice to say" um excuse be babe....your snoring again" lol . I admit I am not wired for being alone so the season of gray is here and the weekend with my boys is near.
Buffalosjoeyi...
This has really good imagery. It's easy to read and quite dark! I like it.
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