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The insanity of promises broken...

                                                

We shared a love that was surely grand

you are perfect still even today

I wanted our love to learn to withstand

everything they would dare to say...

 

Will we ever be together?

probably not

I always refused to say never

and bravely gave it my best shot.

 

I realize now that I may be a fool

thinking I could be the one

but your love made me feel so cool

does a broken promise means we're done?

 

We never even speak anymore

who knows what you think in your head

It just means I will need to find another door

because broken promises don't mean I'm dead 

 

I have lived with the suffering and pain too long

broken promises, I need to let go

I will rejoice again to sing another song

yet the healing of my broken heart is slow...

 

Buffalos Joey I

The insanity of my darkness...

The insanity of my darkness...













Hopeful I was when we last met
I am now but forgotten
I was filled with happiness and emotion
I wipe the tears with worn cotton

I have seen greatness in rare form
My tunnel has now lost its light
Beauty inside, a heart that's warm
Yet my own now feels the fright

The love I have it's always yours
Yet you have turned off the switch
It is pure, continues and it soars
I miss your light, hoping it's no glitch


Buffalos Joeyi I

Utter tranquility...

There is no better feeling than sand between the toes

Except the warm touch of your lips

The smell of your hair, you know how the story goes...

I do that while holding your hips

Your eyes as wide and innocent as could be

I see everlasting beauty my dear

Remembering your last kiss with me...

was it our last is what I fear

To my heart and my mind

 utter tranquility you give

what are the chances that i could find

any other way to live? 

Buffalos Joey I

The insanity of just me and the tree, 2013 edition

This blog still rings true even this year. Much has changed in my life since the separation/divorce. I still feel the pain and emptiness of being alone. The visits with my boys are much better and our relationships have grown. I am a very proud Daddy. This will mark the third Christmas I spend alone yet I feel like I am turning a corner.  My life is not where I hoped it would be but I am not complaining as it could be much worse.

As the smile in the new photo shows, a good conversation and an all around fun family day can help to ease the pain that is hidden. I am fortunate to have met people recently that are genuine, honest and absolutely hilarious! 2014 is looking to hopefully be one that big changes occur. Maybe not the ones I thought, but change just the same. Will all of my dreams come true? “Probably Not” but I am ok with it… I have to be.

I am wishing everyone a warm, fun filled and amazing Holiday Season… But just be thankful for what you have… And hope and wish for a better tomorrow.

Please remember those less fortunate this Holiday season and pay it forward…You may be surprised at how it really makes you feel!

(2011)

The sad realization hit me like a ton of bricks. I am not only going to be alone with my tree on Christmas morning but I will also not experience the waking up to excited kids. I will be and am thankful that I will get to spend Christmas Eve with my boys though. We were able to keep a certain tradition alive this past weekend. We traveled to a local tree farm and cut down what is thought to be the best Christmas tree ever. It was a challenge to put up but we managed and it is perfect. The day was great and we met some wonderful people. The boys were overjoyed at the whole experience and I went to bed that night extremely grateful that the tradition, although slightly different, was kept alive. The saddest part of this new beginning in my life is that I will miss out on a lot of the special times. This motivates me to create our own memories that I truly hope last a lifetime. The boys  seem to be adjusting well to our  new situation. Their living arrangement has settled down and they seem to like their new school as well. They have made me very proud with all they have been through.We have three weeks until the trial for custody and visitation. I am very nervous on how this will all pan out. I am hoping for the best but planning for the worst as they say.

The sad part of all this is the boys and how they will feel on Christmas morning. I really can’t get this out of my mind as the time grows near. I am sure they will be happy with what Santa has done this year. They told me they look forward to our visit. Maybe it is me I am worried about. This will be the very first Christmas in my life that I will be totally alone. I am not really sure what to expect after I take them home on Christmas Eve. I live pretty far from my home town and the thought of driving five hours is not appealing. I do not wish to be alone on this day though. Some friends have asked me to visit and it is what I should do. It’s hard to decide though. I still cannot imagine that special day without my boys. I realize I have much to be thankful for. I have good health, great kids and a good career. It could be worse and I know that I will survive. I have been blessed with much support from my group online and family as well.

So as I look at my tree and think “yup it’s just me”

I still feel lucky to be free……. Merry Christmas to all and to all a good night…

This is me….http://www.facebook.com/#!/BuffalosJoeyI

My support group…..http://www.facebook.com/#!/groups/DadsRightsCoalitionofNY/

And the page……http://www.facebook.com/#!/pages/Dads-Rights-Coalition-of-New-York/227778323947711

Buffalos Joey I

The insanity of the heart...

The madness and insanity
The fear and despair
Of ones heart being alone
Is almost too much to bear...
If only you knew
The wondrous love that awaits
And cared a little more
To accept ones fate
To take a leap of faith
Is all I ever asked
You shouldn't wait any longer
Let your heart become unmasked
Open up to it all
Do not be afraid anymore
One mustn't wait too long to fall
Because true love is at your hearts door...

Buffalos Joey l

The insanity of my smile...

It was once an everyday occurrence
And then you were gone
The hope you would return
Was a dream that would never spawn
In the face of depression, sadness and despair
I had no more feeling and really did not care.
Its now coming back,
albeit slow
New friendships shall be forged
This I do know
Saying goodbye to the past
is painful to bare
The insanity is,
not everyone will care
My smile is mine
The cost of it is free
I am sharing it willingly
Why don't you join me...

Buffalos Joey I